With the whole business about the Miami Dolphins and this knock-out video I've been seeing circulate around the web, I've been seeing a lot of people come out of the woodwork with opinions on race that display a disturbing amount of ignorance. I'm afraid that people who know too little decide to speak too much and a recent exchange with a man I called my friend was the straw that broke this camel's back. I may have misunderstood his original query as to my opinion on the n-word's use, but his response to my opinion worried and saddened me. After explaining what I felt was a pretty simple and reasonable concept, I was dismissed quickly with the same thoughts and attitudes he had before. What I found more sad was that I know there are other people out there that subscribe to such dismissive thinking without proper knowledge of that which they dismiss.
This is a problem.
I'm writing to blow off steam and posting to warn and plead with those who are not Black to educate themselves on Black history before trying to talk about race relations and be aware of your privilege. These are the most common thoughts I've seen expressed during the past week. If you subscribe to any of these thoughts I list, I am telling you emphatically that you are not well enough informed to talk about race like you know:
1. "If Black people want everyone else to stop saying the n word they should stop saying it themselves."
In a discussion with the aforementioned individual, he cited Jay-Z and Kanye when trying to put forth a valid argument for the use of the n word not being a big deal. I believe the words were "apparently they don't think it's a big deal". I was livid about the awful argument that was sure to follow and about the fact that when non-Blacks say something like this they go to the people who support their argument who tend to be the ignorant Black folk. Do you hear Colin Powell, Cornel West, T.D. Jakes, Will Smith, T.J. Martin use the word? No matter. You get the point and this isn't a good argument anyway.
Personal responsibility is the big thing here. My issue is that non-Blacks are trying to do nothing more than absolve themselves of it when this statement is used, but in doing so they forget that they're the reason the word hurts.
The purpose of the n-word is to insult, degrade, and dehumanize Black people and us alone. No amount of sympathy will allow you to feel that pain or share that burden. Therefore, the pain of that word is our burden to bear and ours alone. That makes it our word. Acknowledge that and deal with it. It's true we use the word, but I agree with Charles Barkley's statement this past week when he in effect said that our use of the word is not something we need to explain to you. The conversation of when, how, and if to use the word is ours, not yours. The word doesn't affect you the way it affects us, therefore you are not entitled to or owed an explanation for the word's use nor are you invited to the conversation. Any assumption otherwise is racist. If you assume our free use of the word with our accompanied response to the word coming out of your mouth is imposing a double standard or is hypocrisy let me say this again. OUR pain. OUR burden. OUR word. NOT YOURS. This is a double standard the same way that arresting people without a license to drive for doing so is. That's right. My ancestry give me license to say the n word. You cannot share in that simply because you are not Black. Nothing more nothing less. Acknowledge and accept it. That's the short answer why we can and you can't. With that knowledge it should be clear that the responsibility to educate you on the word's use and it's implications is on YOU and you alone.
2. I don't use the n word maliciously, so it's okay.
No it's not. Not okay at all. This is also manifest in the responses 'It's not racist', 'How is that racist', 'Whatever', etc. I watched someone correct a non-Black person when they used the word and the offender responded by saying 'no big deal' as if to say 'I don't mean it in a racist way'. Lots of people use this excuse. After all, if you really aren't using the word (or saying/doing ANY racist thing for that matter) maliciously then what is the big deal? Let me tell you.
Assuming you read number 1, you know the definition of the n word. This word hurts us. When you insist that you don't mean it that way (or try to defend the racist bs you were just called on), you are insisting that your desire to do so is more important than the pain of Black people. It's dismissive, dehumanizing, and disrespectful. When you hurt somebody, no matter your intent, you apologize and cease hurtful behavior. You don't try to prove to them you didn't hurt them.
3. I don't see color
I loathe this statement in all it's forms ('I don't see color', 'don't care if you're black, white, blue, only the human race, etc.). We all know what sentiment you're trying to communicate and I might even say that it's noble, but it's a lie. Stats: We are not treated the same or receive the same privileges. We don't live in the same worlds. People treat us differently and you know it. Your use of this statement proves you know it. So not only are you dismissing a very real difference, but now you're making racism about you by talking about how not racist you are further minimizing the problems I face. Not needed or appreciated.
The other problem with this statement is that you're implying that there's something wrong with seeing color. Is there something wrong with it? I've yet to hear a good answer and am willing to bet the same for you.
4. My Black friend says it's okay
Manifests itself with "I have Black friends", "I grew up around Black people" "I saw Red Tails" (yes, I've heard this used), or "My Black friend says it's okay". At work a fellow employee used the word. When I called him on it, he replied with "my Black roommate said it's okay". Never mind the generalization (my Black friend is king of the negroes because they subscribe to my racist thinking). Never mind trying to dismiss my hurt (see 2 above). Never mind the attempt to pit Black people against each other(king of negroes friend vs a bunch of pissed off Black folk). My problem is the lie this person bought into - not just that using the word is okay, but that this person feels entitled to the word's use and that feeling was validated when they were granted 'permission' by another Black person. This sense of entitlement is what brings people to believe that they have the Black people trump card when in reality, it doesn't exist. You're still a doo doo head. Your mere thought that it does is racist.
Disclaimer: I'm not the first person to say or feel any of this. If you still have questions as to why I and other Black folk feel this way, please pick up some books. Please don't go to your nearest black acquaintance. That's not what what we're here for.
